You know, its really amazing how when you move to a foreign country you expect to learn boatloads about the culture, the people, and the language. But you really end up learning about yourself more than anything. Living a whole ocean away from everything and everyone you've ever known forces your life into a clear perspective. As the time goes by, I realize more and more just how much my friends and family really mean to me. They help form the foundation of who I am, and it certainly has been unsettling living without them for the past 3 months (although it feels like a lifetime!) You also learn just how capable you are as a person. It definitely isn't easy changing countries, friends, schools, languages and even your family for an entire 10 months. And sometimes I don't know if it was the most sane decision I've ever made, because who in their right mind would want to do this?
Even though things like homesickness, shyness, and the inability to communicate fade over time, what never fades is how hard doing this really is. Sure, you think that after a few months its gotten way easier, but in reality its just you who has become a stronger, more confident person and therefore you are now able to deal with the hardships a million times easier. (Also doesn't hurt that your language skills have probably improve a lot) As I look back at these past three months and think about how quickly they've past, I also think about how much I've changed. Sure, I'm still the same person, I still have the same values, sense of humor, likes and dislikes, etc but what's changed is my ability to handle myself. When I think of who I was mentally and maturity wise in September, the first word that comes to my mind is baby.
Its kind of crazy in fact, because three months ago I already thought of myself as pretty mature in just about every way. Boy, how wrong I was. Before-France me definitely couldn't handle an average week that the me I am now can. I honestly don't understand how I managed to make it through the first month. The only thing I can think of is how ashamed I would feel if I ended up going back home after just a few weeks.
So anyway, enough with the feelings stuff. I just had to get that out of my system, and now that I've addressed you, my wonderful family and friends and how you mean so much to me. Well now that I think of it, most of my friends pretty much are my family, so my wonderful family, its time to talk about me. For the past week or so I've had an annoying as butt cold, like the kind of cold where it makes you cough so much that you almost throw up in your Italian class. Granted its almost over but my nose refuses to stop getting runny. I hate runny noses and even worse, I'm starting to get low on moisturized tissues. Having to used non-moisturized tissues is definitely in my top ten list of things I dislike the most. (was that a diva moment? probably)
Also, my grades in school are starting to get a little better! The other day in history I received an 8/12 for a paper thingy where I answered questions about Feminism and Socialism in West and East Germany! Wooooo. Actually my actually grades were 5.5/7 on my content and like 1/5 for how I wrote it. Which does that make sense to anyone? Because it doesn't to me, my teacher said she didn't like the "format" or whatever. So somehow those two grades fused to become an 8/12. On another note, its getting dangerously close to Christmas! Which is so nerve-wracking, like how is that gonna work? It just feels weird and super awkward that I'll be spending Christmas with another family, I guess. And I have no idea what to get anyone for gifts! (or where) Nor do I really have the time, but I'm hoping to force in some shopping while I'm in Lyon this Saturday, because according to some people there's a mall there. I have my suspicions about that though.
By the way, I'm going to go to Lyon this saturday to see la fête des lumières ! (light festival) which I'm pretty sure involves people putting candles in their windows to honor a saint or something. Which is weird because only 3% of the population here is actually religious. But whatever. Also if you haven't noticed/ or been stalking my facebook recently I lost like 17lbs since I came here without even trying and eating bread at the same time. So needless to say, I don't really believe in diets so much anymore. I'd say that a diet is necessary if you're like 400lbs, but if you just are like 20-40lbs overweight you probably just need to get off your ass. (Although smaller portions help too!) So what I'm basically saying is that my vanity will probably force me to stay in Europe haha! Because its almost impossible to have the "walk down the street to go (insert place here) lifestyle" in the US. Its cars 24/7! Its kind of weird because I barely use cars here! Mostly public transport/my feet. I feel like the only place I could recreate that walk wherever lifestyle would be somewhere like Philly/NYC/Chicago, etc. And I don't know if I really want to live in a big city.
Even though I really don't want this to end, I kind of do want it to end. Mainly because I'll be 18 when I get home! woo! That means I can do whatever I want, as long as its law-abiding and I have the resources to do it. But lets face it, I'll probably end up going to NACC for the next two years like every other loser instead of actually doing something interesting. Or I could still end up applying for cooking school, I honestly have no idea. Because I want to do it, but I don't at the same time. So yeah, someone help me figure out my life before I get home! haha. But its just so me to make up my mind and then change it at the last minute. Bad idea.
So yeah, I'm done babbling. I might post something after my Lyon trip though!
Even though things like homesickness, shyness, and the inability to communicate fade over time, what never fades is how hard doing this really is. Sure, you think that after a few months its gotten way easier, but in reality its just you who has become a stronger, more confident person and therefore you are now able to deal with the hardships a million times easier. (Also doesn't hurt that your language skills have probably improve a lot) As I look back at these past three months and think about how quickly they've past, I also think about how much I've changed. Sure, I'm still the same person, I still have the same values, sense of humor, likes and dislikes, etc but what's changed is my ability to handle myself. When I think of who I was mentally and maturity wise in September, the first word that comes to my mind is baby.
Its kind of crazy in fact, because three months ago I already thought of myself as pretty mature in just about every way. Boy, how wrong I was. Before-France me definitely couldn't handle an average week that the me I am now can. I honestly don't understand how I managed to make it through the first month. The only thing I can think of is how ashamed I would feel if I ended up going back home after just a few weeks.
So anyway, enough with the feelings stuff. I just had to get that out of my system, and now that I've addressed you, my wonderful family and friends and how you mean so much to me. Well now that I think of it, most of my friends pretty much are my family, so my wonderful family, its time to talk about me. For the past week or so I've had an annoying as butt cold, like the kind of cold where it makes you cough so much that you almost throw up in your Italian class. Granted its almost over but my nose refuses to stop getting runny. I hate runny noses and even worse, I'm starting to get low on moisturized tissues. Having to used non-moisturized tissues is definitely in my top ten list of things I dislike the most. (was that a diva moment? probably)
Also, my grades in school are starting to get a little better! The other day in history I received an 8/12 for a paper thingy where I answered questions about Feminism and Socialism in West and East Germany! Wooooo. Actually my actually grades were 5.5/7 on my content and like 1/5 for how I wrote it. Which does that make sense to anyone? Because it doesn't to me, my teacher said she didn't like the "format" or whatever. So somehow those two grades fused to become an 8/12. On another note, its getting dangerously close to Christmas! Which is so nerve-wracking, like how is that gonna work? It just feels weird and super awkward that I'll be spending Christmas with another family, I guess. And I have no idea what to get anyone for gifts! (or where) Nor do I really have the time, but I'm hoping to force in some shopping while I'm in Lyon this Saturday, because according to some people there's a mall there. I have my suspicions about that though.
By the way, I'm going to go to Lyon this saturday to see la fête des lumières ! (light festival) which I'm pretty sure involves people putting candles in their windows to honor a saint or something. Which is weird because only 3% of the population here is actually religious. But whatever. Also if you haven't noticed/ or been stalking my facebook recently I lost like 17lbs since I came here without even trying and eating bread at the same time. So needless to say, I don't really believe in diets so much anymore. I'd say that a diet is necessary if you're like 400lbs, but if you just are like 20-40lbs overweight you probably just need to get off your ass. (Although smaller portions help too!) So what I'm basically saying is that my vanity will probably force me to stay in Europe haha! Because its almost impossible to have the "walk down the street to go (insert place here) lifestyle" in the US. Its cars 24/7! Its kind of weird because I barely use cars here! Mostly public transport/my feet. I feel like the only place I could recreate that walk wherever lifestyle would be somewhere like Philly/NYC/Chicago, etc. And I don't know if I really want to live in a big city.
Even though I really don't want this to end, I kind of do want it to end. Mainly because I'll be 18 when I get home! woo! That means I can do whatever I want, as long as its law-abiding and I have the resources to do it. But lets face it, I'll probably end up going to NACC for the next two years like every other loser instead of actually doing something interesting. Or I could still end up applying for cooking school, I honestly have no idea. Because I want to do it, but I don't at the same time. So yeah, someone help me figure out my life before I get home! haha. But its just so me to make up my mind and then change it at the last minute. Bad idea.
So yeah, I'm done babbling. I might post something after my Lyon trip though!
Leave reply